#dean is VERY into trying to find joshua and god for cas and it's cute

[shallowseeker]

T H E N

Your idea's stupid, Dean.

///

Well, your idea's even more stupid, Cas.

///

N O W

Days later:

Your idea is stupid, Cas, but I've been that stupid plenty of times. And what I'm saying is... I'll support you in your stupidity.

///

And I want you to know that your idea is still stupid too, Dean.

But I've been looking into it and brainstorming some related solutions, and if you want to chase this lead about it, I will come immediately to support you.

///

Cas. I have to fuckin' sleep, but there's a chair for you in the corner by the coffee machine.

And you can sit in it if you get here early, I guess.

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

(Vol. XIII)

It was a love story from the very beginning.

(5x02//5x17//5x18)

I gave everything for you!

Hello my friends! How have you been? This is a new volume from my chronicles... We are getting to the end of season 5!

In this volume I will talk about the first big Destiel fight we have.

I want to say thanks to my dearest friend @agusvedder , she made the gifs for this volume.

Enjoy!

5x02 foreshadowing the Destiel fight

When Castiel arrived to the Hospital, one of the most important things he Didi there, was talk with Dean about his plan of kill the devil.

CASTIEL: Your plan to kill Lucifer.

DEAN: Yeah. You want to help?

CASTIEL: No. It's foolish. It can't be done.

DEAN: Oh. Thanks for the support.

This was a foreshadow of what we will see in episode 5x18 (Point of not return) in which we will have our first big Destiel fight. Dean having a crazy plan here TO KILL THE DEVIL not supported by Castiel. The same situation will be settled when Dean decide to say yes to Michael to kill the devil (crazy plan) and of course, won't be supported by the angel.

CASTIEL: But I believe I have the solution. There is someone besides Michael strong enough to take on Lucifer. Strong enough to stop the apocalypse.

He was referring here to his plan to find God. All his hopes are on this... To find God. Castiel is determinated to do this. But Dean isn't that sure. So they started a little discussion about it... That ends like this...

DEAN: I mean, look around you, man. The world is in the toilet. We are literally at the end of days here, and he's off somewhere drinking booze out of a coconut. All right?

CASTIEL: Enough. This is not a theological issue. It's strategic. With God's help, we can win.

DEAN: It's a pipe dream, Cas.

Castiel lose it. And he confront Dean, snapping as always truth without anesthesia. Even Sam is feeling bad for these words, but he is being honest, and he can't handle Dean's lack of faith.

Bigger and more painful, will be the fight they will have... But this scene was like a prelude.

Castiel lost his faith and hopes... So Dean lost them too.

Now... Coming back to Dark side of the moon... Remember the dialogue Sam and Dean had with Joshua in Paradise? Pay attention to these words...

DEAN: So he’s just going to sit back and watch the world burn?

JOSHUA: I know how important this was to you, Dean. I’m sorry.

DEAN: (emotional) Forget it. Just another dead-beat dad with a bunch of excuses, right. I’m used to that. I’ll muddle through.

JOSHUA: Except… you don’t know if you can, this time. You can’t kill the Devil, and you’re losing faith, in yourself, your brother, and now this? God was your last hope. I just… I wish I could tell you something different.

Joshua repeats what Castiel said in 5x02 and also he describes Dean's depression and lack of faith. Finding God wasn't his last hopes. It was CASTIEL'S HOPES. And because Castiel is canonically Dean's faith and hopes, his last lighting candle was that. Because he was losing any other chances... But Castiel kept his faith. And Dean counted on it.

But now... Delivering this news to CAS... Will end in something that will finish with any hopes Dean could have. And it took a big part in Dean's determination to say yes to Michael.

Cas is in negation. He needs to give excuses. He needs to know that's a lie. Because he is feeling he will lose any chance, and any hopes.

But this is the cruel truth.

Dean watches Castiel in such a shape, and he is heartbroken. Seeing Cas like this is the bottom of the bottle. His hopes (Cas) not having faith. That's the end for him. And he also feels so sad for CAS... Because he knows what is to have "daddy issues". And he cares about him.

The lack of faith and the friendship

5x17 "99 problems" presented us Dean already decided to say yes to Michael.

But before we get to this... The episode also gave us a depressed Castiel, drunk and in a bad mood, trying to handle with his deceptions.

Dean continued watching his friend fell to the bottom. But he tried to offered him his shoulder...

This is such a cute scene, because Dean, being so faithless and hopeless, he tried to make Castiel feel better. Because he can't see him like this. Defeated. Cas is the badass angel that is always fighting... And now he is just there, drunken and sad... Very depressing... In his own words...

The episode finished with Dean killing the whore. Remembering that just a servant of Heaven could do that... So yes. Dean had already taken his decision.

And he decided to visit Lisa before losing everything. He had lost his faith in everyone. In everything... But he had this cute memory... Kind of pure... Of what a family should be... So he went with Lisa. And she and Ben will become his refuge when everything ends.

The fight

Episode 5x18 "Point of not return" was full of "diamonds" as a figures. This represents symbolically being in troubles and trying to take the better decision. To be careful and think well the solution. So it was accurate with Dean. He was wrong. But he was decided to say yes to Michael.

And Castiel was mad at him. Very mad. He couldn't believe after everything he did for him, he was about to throw thing to the trash can, as nothing. Oh yes, he was very very upset with him. That's why he was very sassy with Dean.

And Dean was very sassy back with him too... Even if seeing Castiel angry was kind of delightful... We can see this just watching Dean's reaction to CAS angry face. Yes. Hot.

Castiel wasn't in a good mood...

The fight was so serious, and Dean was so determinated, that he even made a sigil to get rid from Castiel's watch.

Later, Dean will have a painful angelical lesson...

The fight become physical, and Castiel is so disappointed, that he threw what he was feeling inside. All his efforts, were pointless. He gave everything, for nothing, parallel settled with that little fight at the beginning of the season as I described in this meta.

Dean is hopeless... He gives up. He is wishing Castiel to finish with it. With his suffering. But Castiel wouldn't do that. They are still friends... After all.

By the end of the episode, Castiel had lost his faith in Dean, but Sam was still hoping his brother made the right decision.

Dean was amazed with Castiel's suicidal decision, and his words were so painfully honest again (not mention the way he was checking him again... Angry Cas is hot) but mostly, these words and Sammy faith on him, will make Dean to desist his plans. (The diamonds symbolism took place here.)

To conclude

5x02 was a foreshadow for CAS and Dean's big fight in 5x18.

Because Castiel represents Dean's faith and hopes, seeing him defeated made Dean lost the last hopes he had.

Dean was depressed and he didn't see other way out but to say yes to Michael.

The reintroduction of Lisa was a symbolically representation of a nice and good memory Dean had about what a family should be. He had lost faith in his brother, in Cas and in himself. So his only refuge, his only "dream out of his disastrous life" was Lisa.

The first big Destiel fight became physical, because Castiel was so mad at him, he had given everything for him, and Dean was now betraying him.

By the end of the episode 5x18 Dean made the right choice, helped by Castiel's hard words and Sammy faith in him.

I hope you enjoy this meta, is a kind of large, sorry!

C-u in the next and last volume from season 5!

😘💕

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @castiellover20 @whyjm @koshisekisen @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @cheerstofandomfamily @drsilverfish @savannadarkbaby @angelneedshunter @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @hippyatheart80 @xsghn @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11

If you want to be tagged in these chronicles, please let me know.

If you want to read the previous volumes from season 5, here are the links...

Vol VIII, Vol IX, Vol X, Vol XI and Vol XII

Buenos Aires, May 29th 2019 9:12 PM

[dotthings]

All right here we go, my notes on SPN 14.17 “Game Night,” which gets into parental issues and closure, domesticity on SPN, Cas and loneliness and connections with others, parallels between Dean and Cas, waffles, Dean’s facade, Sam’s heartbreak, my boredom and dislike of villain characters who I am supposed to dislike anyway, the nature of souls, and God as absentee parent.

First off, S14 has to be possibly the most domestic SPN season ever. We’ve had glimpses. But S14 is really digging in showing us this family’s life in the bunker. Add to this, even though Cas wasn’t present for game night, how accepted and normalized it is that Cas lives there. That’s his home. He’s expected and if he goes he at least tells Dean and it’s temporary, it’s assumed he’ll come back. Our bunker family includes 2 characters who aren’t blood related to the Winchesters, Cas and Jack, but they are part of the family nonetheless, something S14 has made abundantly clear. 

Why is this domesticity important? Isn’t SPN about killing monsters? It’s important because SPN is about killing monsters. It adds texture and layers to our heroes, makes their lives even more real, and ups the drama factor when we can see them have moments of domesticity and being a family to contrast with the harshness and the monster fights and the darker aspects. SPN from the get-go, has as its primary fuel the bonds between characters. Most of SPN is about Sam, Dean, and Cas as charcters who have MHI and PTSD and how they keep on keeping on, and their bonds with each other and other characters. 

We also need to be reminded of the stakes. Our heroes need to be shown living the world they’re trying to save and we need to see why they care if their loved ones are imperiled. We need to see them being a family to understand what could be lost. Remember in ep 300 alternate Sam and alternate Dean we learn are isolated characters and we see Cas devoid of personal attachments, and that was their tragedy. 

The monsters are really just a backdrop to explore these characters. Because SPN is a horror/urban fantasy series, we aren’t going to spend a whole lot of time on the domestic stuff, it needs lots of monster-killing action, but all in service of revealing character, and the domesticity needs to be there as part of the emotional weave. It stood out to me how extra domestic the start of Game Night is, with Mary and Jack putting snacks together, Mary trying to talk to Jack, and Dean trying to fix the mouse trap game, they reference that Sam is off getting pizza and will be back shortly, and we have a reason Cas isn’t there but we know if Cas were he’d be right in the thick of the domesticity.

They also did it because of how hurty this ep gets later on, for dramatic contrast.

Dean, our smart little engineer. Dean seems really, really frustrated he can’t fix the mouse trap game which you might think is just there for comedy but it’s not. He’s really minds he can’t fix that mouse trap game. Dean hates it when he can’t fix things, doesn’t he. When someone in his family is hurt or something’s wrong with them and there’s nothing he can do. He’s also not over that PTSD from having Michael screaming and banging in his head. It’s the little things. You think SPN actually forgot he has PTSD, look again.

And where is Cas? Why, he’s off meeting with the angel Anael to get a fix for Jack’s soullessness, without telling Sam and Dean, because Cas...he’s still got issues which I’ll get to a moment.

Interesting Cas orders a waffle he’s apparently not eating. Maybe just to not appear out of place in the diner. While Anael doesn’t even get coffee. Like it’s important to Cas to behave as a human, even if he’s not actually going to eat that waffle. Maybe Cas just wanted a waffle. It’s a really cute waffle, I’d want that waffle. This is reminding me of Cas and the milkshakes in 14.15. Why do they keep showing us Cas and cute milkshakes, Cas and cute waffles. It’s tantalizing. Almost lampshading the fact that this idea of Cas and milkshakes, Cas and waffles, is appealing, the idea of Cas enjoying these things, and maybe Cas would enjoy these things, yet he’s not going to actually consume them. 

So Anael was Joshua’s right hand. That was a reveal that shows she was an angel of some importance.

I love the Anael and Cas dialogue. “Ill-conceived lone-wolf desperation.” Anael has seen some things. There’s several moments here where she sees through Cas’s bullshit, and several moments where Cas sees through hers. 

Cas is not only hiding his deal with The Empty, he’s gone off to find God to fix Jack’s soul without telling Sam and Dean.

Oh this Dean and Mary scene. I’ve talked about Mary’s arc before, and how purposeful the distance and remoteness is, why the character is meant to be brittle, and wondering what kind of progression we’d see, a softening on that. Here’s another moment of it.

“You’re here, okay?” “But I should’ve been here more. I know I can be closed off, hard.” “That’s where I get it from.”

Oh, this is making me worried for Mary. That’s an awful lot of emotional honesty and softening and I’m thinking about John in ep 300 and closure and how that ended up. Dean got to say what he did to Mary near the end of S12. “I hate you and I love you and I forgive you.” And that was why Dean needed Mary back. But Mary has stuck around for several seasons and there are still unresolved things there. Which this scene offered one step towards a resolution for. How very John paralleling of you, SPN. 

Dean relating to Mary’s facade isn’t spn vilifying Dean. SPN doesn’t think Dean is actually closed off and hard, the narrative doesn’t show us that, and the authorial voices don’t believe it. Dean does however construct a facade for himself and I’m not sure how people can claim it’s vilifying Dean for SPN to remember that. (People want consistency and SPN to remember Dean’s characteristics...it does). Dean references his facade here. 

Remember that Dean’s perception of himself is that he’s a hardass. The Dean we actually see--and yes SPN is not only aware of that dichotomy but plays with it consistently--is a big-hearted squishy vulnerable softie who outbursts his emotions often and does a terrible job of hiding how much he cares. But in his Dean’s own mind his face is impeccably forged.

He’s acknowledging here he realizes Mary has a facade too and her brittleness and remoteness isn’t because she doesn’t care. 

I think also Dean wants to relate himself to his mom. He modeled himself on John much of his life and had to find a way to being his own person away from that shadow, but he’s actually always been more like Mary and he wants to be close to her. So here he purposefully spells out a connection between them, even though Dean isn’t really just like Mary, their facades are still a commonality.

Mary saying “I’m grateful” for all the time she gets to spend with her kids. Her adult kids. Not the babies she lost. Her children as they are.

Ohhhh something bad is going to happen I can feel it.

We get smart researchy Sam, and Mary and Dean mother-son badass hunting team. I’m sorry we haven’t seen more Mary and Dean team-ups, I’ve been waiting for that. (See why I’m nervous? There’s a lot of Dean and Mary stuff in this ep I’ve been waiting for and was denied and now getting it...Marty, I’m scared. I know how SPN operates).

So Nick is basically a complete amoral psychopath now and I am both bored yet weirdly relieved the story isn’t even going close to trying to make him someone relatable or intriguing. Nick is one of the only things most of this fandom in all lanes agrees on: he has to go. And SPN is making him as unpleasant as possible, reflecting that.

Jack and Donatello have no soul and yet they show more conscience and care of others than Nick, who has his soul still, which is raising questions in my head about how souls work on SPN and can empathy be learned even if the soul is gone. It’s not that Jack isn’t incredibly dangerous without his soul, his inner compass is completely borked. But not totally absent. Donatello also has judgment about how to treat others. But Nick...Nick is only murderous. 

“Because you’re a good man. You are. It’s one of the reasons I’m so proud of you.” 

We are John paralleling like mad here. Sam gets to hear Mary is proud of him. Dean gets an apology for her distance and her letting him know she appreciates being with him.

Closure, closure, closure. Something terrible is going to happen. 

These Cas and Anael scenes are utterly delightful. Not just because Misha and Danneel have a great rapport but the themes the dialogue is wading into is making me rub my hands together in metaish glee.

“I believe in Heaven.” 

Anael was a believer. Joshua’s right hand. She was a good soldier. Unlike Cas, it doesn’t sound like she had much inclinations to rebel. It seem unlikely Anael ever needed a reset, but like Cas, she eventually did.

“I don’t need Heaven and I don’t need God. I’m happy,” Anael says.

There’s that theme of actual happiness vs. false happiness again.

“Really?” says Cas, who we know has figured out how important bonds with others are. “Because that sounds lonely.”

“We’re all lonely because we’re all alone,” says Anael.

Well this just got deeply philosophical. We can feel alone even when we’re with others. Anael feels God abandoned everyone and she’s not wrong, and she hasn’t found a connection with others the way Cas has. And Cas, even though he has found those connections, is still a lonely figure. Isolation, alienation, feeling he doesn’t belong have been major themes with Cas for years. But Cas knows things Anael doesn’t about how life one earth works.

Oh I so am enjoying Dean kicking the crap out of Nick.

Jack is soulless yet still cares about helping Donatello.

“My father was a monster.” “He loved you...and you broke his heart.”

Shut up Nick, you manipulative psycho. Love isn’t enough. Lucifer “loves” like Thanos “loves.” 

Back to Cas and Anael, “I’m doing this for Jack,” Cas says. Which he is, in part, but it’s not the only reason. Anael may have passed on coffee but she’s packing tea. “You’re doing this because you’re afraid. Because in your mind it’d be easier to call God than tell Sam and Dean Winchester the truth. Jack’s soul is gone.”

Here is my whole separate post of its own on over-protective Cas trying to shield Sam and Dean from the storms and while it’s done out love, it’s misguided and his methods of shielding them often end badly.

But if you think Jack is all Cas cares about? Jack is the only reason Cas has done anything lately? You aren’t paying close enough attention (also that’s ignoring big chunks of canon anyway but I’m talking specifically, that even some of Cas’s Jack decisions have been about protecting Sam and Dean from pain...read my post). 

There’s another samulet. Cas recognizes the object most likely to be the telephone to God because it’s similar to the Winchester samulet. It’s not identical to Sam and Dean’s. Similar but different design. Slightly different purposes. One glows in the presence of God. Another acts as a voicemail system. Are there others, with other purposes, related to God?

Chuck abandoned humanity and the angels but made sure means of communicating with him were left, perhaps scattered all over the world? In case of emergencies? Was it a full abandonment? 

Cas sneaking away from his family to call his father for help out of their sightline because he’s scared and worried, why is that familiar. Where have I seen that before...oh yes, Dean calling John way back in “Home” in season 1.

This while Sam and Dean are going through closure things with the Winchester parents and Cas is again looking for his absent father.

“Go home and tell Sam and Dean the truth.” GOOD PLAN, ANAEL. 

I love this exchange with Cas and Anael so much. This is the whole lynchpin of what Cas has learned.

“Just because God’s not with us doesn’t mean we’re alone.” “Why? Because we all have each other?” “Yes.”

Similarly to how Dean had already accepted himself without needing John’s approval to do it, Cas has already figured out he’s not alone even though his father is a chronic abandoner.

Now Sam is beating Nick! It’s the Nick gets beaten up episode and I am so here for it. Sam doesn’t kill him of course because Sam is a good person but I am also sort of sorry Sam doesn’t kill Nick. Which I don’t think is the takeaway they intended and yet.

Sam’s Nickrage. Sam tried to see the good in him and give him the benefit of the doubt. Nick turned out to be completely amoral, and Sam was wrong. And now there’s something wrong with Sam’s shared Team Free Will adoptive child, Jack, who Sam needed to believe in. Sam has had something wrong with him and he’s not all bad, he was worth saving, others are worth it too and Sam needs to believe that. Jack maybe will vindicate Sam in this by the end while Nick is proving to Sam that isn’t always true and I think being faced with that is breaking Sam’s heart. No not everyone is worth saving. Not everyone can be saved.

It’s almost like survivor’s guilt. Sam is a good man. Sam had demon blood in him, he’s made mistakes, he’s done some terrible things, he’s been through some stuff, and he is worth saving. Sam doesn’t seem himself as worth it while others as less worthy, and he’s having trouble not over-identifying on this issue. This is a very long arc for Sam--think back to S8 and Sam talking about knowing as a child he was tainted, that he’d never qualify as a knight, as a pure hero he saw in the books about King Arthur. 

But those are idealizations of the heroic paradigm. Someone can still be heroic while being tainted and imperfect. Sam’s figuring this out but he’s still struggling with the object of the proof that not everyone is worth being saved: Nick.

I am not here for Nick beating up Sam. :((((((((((

I am here for badass Dean which is always good to see.

Oh no Sam. :((((((((((((((

“Count with me.” “You always put me first. Your whole life.”

Look I know Sam won’t die-die for good yet but this is still upsetting, Dean trying to keep Sam with him and Sam deciding that should be his final words to Dean, because he’s aware of all Dean took on and he’s grateful. Sam knows. This is also a mirror flip on Dean’s head injury in Ouroboros. This made my heart ache. :(

No can we not have Lucifer back please? I adore 98% of the characters on this show, I’m serious, I am an ensemble gal, but Lucifer’s story has, for reals, played out. Nick is irredeemably awful and dull, Lucifer is boring and selfish and cruel and petulant and I’m bored. Luckily for me neither is being presented as someone I am supposed to or expected to feel sympathy for and I hope it stays that way. 

Hey SPN, you’ve successfully made me feel zero sympathy for characters who I clearly am supposed to feel zero sympathy for! You did your job! But do you realize how dull this is? I’m not sure this is supposed to be so dull.

Jack just saying no to Lucifer. Bye, Lucifer! Thank you, Jack!

Thank you Jack for saving Sam!

Hey Jack’s not doing too badly for someone’s who’s soulless...oops wait. No this is not good.

Look I get the way Jack killed Nick is not good and soulless Jack is really dangerous and that was a horrible way to kill someone which Jack didn’t have to do, he could have done it mercifully and didn’t. Of course Mary is horrified witnessing that, and I would be too, but otoh thank you, Jack for dispensing with Nick who is not just murderous. Murderous can be interesting, there are lots of interesting villains out there. But he is just so boring. The drama of Mary’s distress at what Jack did is undercut a bit here because I’m not sorry someone kills Nick. I rarely ever root for any character to die, even ones I dislike (just write them off maybe) but I’m making an exception.

Really Jack’s doing me some solids in this ep.

And then a bad. 

Okay, bad Jack. No, Jack, don’t hurt Mary. Which, I been knew, something bad would happen to Mary, telegraphed all ep, and there it is, after all that closure. It’s left ambiguous exactly what happened though. Is she dead? Is she banished to another AU world? Turned into a woodland creature? Was it even Jack who did it? We don’t know what exactly happened yet. 

[mittensmorgul]

I'm shook. Dean actually admitted that Chuck doesn't care, that Chuck just left and ignored all of his responsibilities. I thought Dean was pro-Chuck, I mean, he called Chuck a bestie, didn't he? I'm not sure if he really resents Chuck or he was just too depressed to think straight. I'm still shook though. (Oh, and if you're feeling unwell I hope you recover. I wish you luck. May October be kind to you.)

Aahhh, thank you. :P And yeah, I’ve been sick since Walker-Stalker Philly a few weeks ago, stupid con crud that turned into bronchitis because I am a weakling with no immune system. :D

I’ve also been debating whether I should write tonight (fic, which I have a deadline of december 2 on and I’m not even close to finished on), or if I should write a long meta on Fathers, or if I should just go to sleep and try again tomorrow. But this bit about Chuck, and how Dean feels about Chuck as an absent father figure, would factor into that meta.

I mean Dean’s always held a grudge against God since… ever probably, but at least in text as far back as 5.02 when Cas set out in search of God to help stop the apocalypse. Chuck never really grew into anything Dean could really respect any more than that, you know? Even the burden Chuck laid on him at the end of s11 wasn’t what Dean wanted. Dean had his ENTIRE LIFE ruined because of Chuck’s inability to clean up his own mess, and then suddenly Dean fixes it FOR him, and Chuck just sashays off into the sunset with Amara and again lays the entire burden for taking care of EVERYTHING at Dean’s feet… but Dean’s still just a guy doing a job. He doesn’t have Cosmic God Powers to just fix stuff when it goes wrong. How the hell is he meant to take care of the entire world?

He does try, though. Oh, how he tries. Until it crushes and breaks him.

(and whoopsie this is actually shaping up to BE that meta on fathers I’ve been thinking about, so guess how I’m gonna spend the next hour! WHEEE! *tosses fic writing plans out the window*)

I’ll start with the easiest one: Dean referring to Chuck as his bestie. In 12.04:

Gail: Do you know God, gentlemen?Dean: Oh yeah. Yeah, we’re- we’re besties.

Said with about 9 tons of sarcasm. I’d find a gif to demonstrate just how done Dean was in that scene, but he was pretty much done with EVERYTHING in 12.04. I think that nicely sums up his attitude going into that conversation.

But yes, I 100% do feel like Dean resents Chuck– for laying this burden on him and not giving him ANYTHING else. He laid this out to Chuck’s face in 11.21:

Dean: Here’s the thing, um…Chuck… And I mean no disrespect. Um… I’m guessing you came back to help with the Darkness, and that’s great. That’s, you know – It’s fantastic. Um, but you’ve been gone a – a… long, long time. And there’s so much crap that has gone down on the Earth for thousands of years. I mean, plagues and wars, slaughters. And you were, I don’t know, writing books, going to fan conventions. Were you even aware, o-or did you just tune it out?Chuck: I was aware, Dean.Dean: But you did nothing. And, again, I-I’m not trying to piss you off. You know, I don’t want to turn into a pillar of salt.Chuck: I actually… didn’t do that.Dean: Okay. People – People pray to you. People build churches for you. They fight wars in your name, and you did nothing.Chuck: You’re frustrated. I get it. Believe me, I was hands-on – Real hands-on for, wow, ages. I was so sure if I kept stepping in, teaching, punishing, that these beautiful creatures that I created… would grow up. But it only stayed the same. And I saw that I needed to step away and let my baby find its way. Being overinvolved is no longer parenting. [Sighs] It’s enabling.Dean: But it didn’t get better.Chuck: Well, I’ve been mulling it over. And from where I sit, I think it has.Dean: Well, from where I sit, it feels like you left us and you’re trying to justify it.Chuck: I know you had a complicated upbringing, Dean, but don’t confuse me with your dad.

And that’s it, really. The crux of Dean’s feelings toward Chuck. And that never really changed. Dean still had to take the burden of sacrifice on HIMSELF (carrying the Soul Bomb to Amara) because Chuck didn’t or couldn’t or just wouldn’t. It wasn’t Chuck that saved the world there, it was Dean using his words with Amara, dragging Chuck kicking and screaming into the conversation.

Okay, not kicking and screaming, more like whimpering and huddling… whatever… :P

But Chuck told Dean not to confuse him with John, and mistake his own “complicated upbringing” for Chuck’s “parenting” of the entire universe. And yet… as above, so below. And Chuck himself “chose” Dean as his mirror.

Then we have Dean’s own complicated Father Issues, from how John raised him, to how he was forced to raise Sam. As he said in 12.22 to Mary, he was forced to not only be a father to Sam, but a mother as well. And it wasn’t fair to Dean, and he hated Mary for her deal that put him in that position in the first place. What was unsaid there, but plain as day anyway, was that he hated John for it, too.

Lizbob and I were talking earlier about how Jack was describing the fact that he WAS his mother for a while before he was born, and how the very act of his birth sucked the life out of Kelly, and how that was a horrifying metaphor for motherhood, but Dean has said it himself, of Sam. Back in 10.03, when Sam was curing him of being a demon:

DEAN: You notice I tried to get as far away from you as possible? Away from your whining, your complaining. I chose the King of Hell over you! Maybe I was just … tired of babysitting you. Or always having to yank your lame ass out of the fire since … [Dean laughs.] Forever. Or maybe … Maybe it was the fact that my mother would still be alive if it wasn’t for you. That your very existence sucked the life out of my life!SAM: This isn’t my brother talking.DEAN: You never had a brother! Just an excuse for not manning up. But guess what: I quit.SAM: No. No, you don’t. You don’t get to quit. We don’t get to quit in this family! This family is all we have ever had!DEAN: Well, then, we got nothin’.SAM: Would you say that to Dad?DEAN: Dad? Oh, there’s a prize. There’s a man who brainwashed us into wasting our lives fighting his losing battle!

Sam’s “very existence sucked the life” out of Dean’s life, just like Jack literally did to his mother, just TWO EPISODES AFTER Dean broke through to Mary with his confession about the horrors of his life, and his anger over having to be both mother and father to Sam.

And this was about the point I hit my EUREKA! moment over why the idea of Dean being forced to be a parent to Jack just pushed every NOPE NOPE NOPE button in my entire body. Because he’s JUST NOW finally letting go of feeling like his entire life had been one long forced obligation to be a parent to Sam, and now here’s this new pseudo-manbaby with frightening and potentially Dangerous Magical Abilities who needs parenting and looking after that was foisted on him against his will AGAIN.

I mean, it’s like the ultimate in Cosmically Un-Fucking-Fair.

And even the notion that Cas should be responsible for “parenting” the giant nougat-loving nuke in lost-and-found clothes just… sits so wrong with me for the exact same reason. How long has Cas been a guardian to Dean? How big was the whole “You aren’t our babysitter” theme last season? That Cas never really had time to internalize before Jack hijacked Cas’s “babysitter” instincts for his own purposes?

Yes, it’s sweet and I can see that the parallels between Jack and Cas are being written really well so far, but the cutesy Cas-as-Jack’s-Daddy stuff just physically sickens me (which is saying something considering how physically sick I am as a baseline here…). I don’t think it’s “cute.” And I’m saying this as someone who LOVES Jack as a character.

Kelly (who was literally already “dead” at the point she met Cas, and was technically– according to Jack himself– already “Jack” at that point) had sized up Cas and decided that he would make a good guardian for Jack, and that Dagon would make a bad guardian for him, and took matters into her own hands in order to make that happen. Literally took Cas’s hand without his permission, after he’d declined to touch her stomach, and then forced his hand again after literally hijacking Baby and driving Cas to the scene of her “vision.” Then literally taking Cas’s hand again to force events to unfold as they had in the vision, without regard to any of the other horrors that played out as a result– such as Joshua having been killed by Dagon, the Colt being destroyed, Sam and Dean being hurt, Cas nearly getting killed, and then zapping enough power through Cas to kill Dagon, a being of a type we’ve only ever seen harmed by the Colt and the Lance of Michael. It was clear early on that Jack had Serious Power and yet we see he has practically NO CONTROL over it.

I am soooo tempted to apply a little bit of Miriam’s description of Becky to Jack… 

He sees something he wants and just takes it without a thought for who it might hurt. He took candy from the vending machine in 13.01, but… he kinda did that to Cas, too. Even before he was born, he saw the sort of devotion Cas had to the people he cared about and even if he didn’t understand WHY, he understood through Kelly that this was something he would need for himself. So he took it, even if it might hurt other people.

Just like he flung his power out at the sheriff when she touched him while he was being assaulted by angel radio. He didn’t intend to hurt her, but he was already in pain and frightened and that’s just how his power works for him right now… as if it’s “him but not him.” Almost like it’s an independent entity that’s in Extreme Self-Protection Mode.

That’s how Miriam described Dean, as someone who takes things and breaks things no matter who it hurts. But really… that’s not Dean, and that’s not Jack either– or at least not what Jack would CHOOSE to be. But from the outside, it kinda looks that way.

So, yeah, I LOVE the idea that Sam is finally getting a turn at forced parenthood from the other side of the equation. It fits beautifully with his own arc toward self-forgiveness and acceptance of his own powers and feelings of whether or not he was inherently evil because of what had been done to him as a baby. I LOVE the idea that Sam will get to experience being a father and mother to someone going through much the same things he did all his life (albeit as an adult, which was not a luxury Dean had when he was forced into a parental role at the age of almost five).

But for Dean? I’m horrified that this has been forced on him again. And for Cas? The fact it’s not something he chose of his own free will, nor gave informed consent to before he was sock-puppeted into becoming Jack’s babysitter… yeah, I find it moderately to seriously disturbing…

And for the sake little baby Jesus, I AM NOT IMPLYING THAT JACK IS EVIL. I AM NOT IMPLYING THAT JACK IS NOT “GOOD.” Good and evil are entirely irrelevant to this conversation.

But Jack’s power did something to Kelly. And it did something to Cas. It wasn’t done with malicious intent, but IT WAS DONE TO THEM. And it’s something that severely limited their free will. We’ve seen how Jack’s power works, without his active CHOICE to make stuff happen. He’s on a fight or flight sort of level with it right now, and it just happens to be set to overkill, you know? I’m sure he’ll get a better handle on it eventually, but I think it’s also going to be a vulnerability that others may try to exploit (enter Asmodeus, or potentially AU Michael, and possibly eventually Lucifer… this isn’t going to be an easy journey for Jack).

Anyway I think I’ve wandered so far off topic of your original question, but congrats, you won the Which Question Will Result In Actual Meta award this week! :P

I think it’s been more than an hour. *checks clock* *what even is time anymore* It’s definitely been more than an hour.

[caranfindel]

Recap/Review 12.15: "Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell"

Initial reaction 12.15: “Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell”

THEN: BMoL and their weird space age compound. Mary’s not trying to recruit you but she’s really trying to recruit you. Pick a side, Sam. Hellhounds. Lucifer. Lucifer’s spawn. Give me some time.

NOW: In Nebraska, a cute young couple is camping. She’s going to vet school in Washington, but he’s pretty sure they can make this long-distance thing work, which is why he has a ring stashed in his gear. Too bad he’s about to get killed by a hellhound. Marcus is dead, but Gwen defends herself with an ax and lives to tell the tale.

Title card!

Sam and Dean walk into the bunker, tired and sore and enjoying some post-hunt exhiliration. Dean is covered in gore and carrying a Walking Dead reference. “Dad would love this thing,” he says, putting a bloody baseball bat (wrapped in barbed wire) on the library table. Come on, Dean. That’s unsanitary. But okay, we all get the reference, very clever, let’s move on with our lives, shall we? Sam tells Dean to go shower because he’s covered in ghoul and wraith and has a piece of siren in his hair and also because he’s been wearing the same pair of boxers for four days. (Can any of these monsters actually be killed with a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire? Not a siren. Possibly a ghoul, if you hit it hard enough in the head. I don’t know how you kill a wraith.)

I don’t know how Sam can tell any of these chunks are siren.

While Dean’s explaining that his underwear habits are (1) a weird thing for Sam to be aware of and (b) not inappropriate at all, Sam gets a text message. From “Frodo.” Okay, I’m not really into this whole BMoL as hobbits thing. Wouldn’t it be more appropriate to call them James Bond, since they’re British and have all sorts of marvelous toys? Except that James Bond is very competent, so I guess not. And Mick Davies isn’t all that tall, and if his stubble is indicative of the rest of his body, might be kind of hairy, including his toes (I’m not actually convinced his stubble is indicative of the rest of his body; I suspect it might be applied with a spray can and a stencil). And maybe they had a second breakfast while Sam was at the compound. Or even elevensies.

None of that matters. What matters is that Sam announces he has a case, and Dean asks how he got it so quickly, and Sam tells him some mumbo jumbo about an algorithm that collects data from news sites and police scanners and 911 calls and basically he LIES. Sam Winchester stands there and lies to his brother about where he’s finding all of these cases they’re working lately and I am not okay with it. Dammit, Sam. Don’t get mad at your mother for secretly working with the BMoL and lying about it and then turn around and do the same goddamn thing to your brother. Stop it. I’m tired of this. I’m tired of brother vs. brother. They’ve been working together and trusting each other and I do not want the show to go in this direction. (Okay, Sam waving his phone and summing up with “the computer told me” is funny.)

Also funny: Dean offering to clean up with baby wipes in the car, and “I’m using that fancy shampoo you keep hidden from me.”

(Sidebar: Does Sam actually use fancy shampoo that makes his hair smell like rosemary and mint and leaves fine to normal hair healthy and full of body? Or does anything other than the cheapest drugstore brand rate as “fancy shampoo” to Dean, and Sam actually uses a non-fancy shampoo? Discuss. But don’t try to convince me Sam Winchester smells like anything other than rosemary and mint because I will not hear it.)

(Okay, I will also accept clean laundry, gunpowder, and whiskey in addition to rosemary and mint. And self-loathing and unshed tears.)

(And maybe the teensiest whiff of sulphur if you get close enough on a bad day.)

Close-up on the bat, in case we didn’t get the joke. We got the joke, folks. Move on.

The guys show up at the campground in Nebraska, where the police are still milling about, so I guess they’re not far from the Kansas border. Both brothers are on the phone when they get out of the car - Sam’s talking to Mary (and he signs off with “love you too,” aw), who’s updating him on a hunt with the BMoL. I guess now that she and Sam are a team, she’s willing to call him instead of Dean. “Who you gonna call? Douchebusters,” says Dean, while Sam says nothing because he’s being a lying liar. Dean reports that Cas is in Idaho, where someone is killing angels.

Cas is, in fact, at the restaurant where Dagon killed the two angels who were trying to capture Kelly Klein. I assume they were trying to capture her. I never really thought about it, but if they’d wanted to kill her, all of the cloak-and-dagger was completely unnecessary. All they needed was a fingertip on her forehead. Anyway, I don’t particularly care about this storyline, but I will point out that “Agent Solange” presents his FBI ID upside down, the restaurant’s manager is a nutjob, and Cas walks out with a video showing Dagon with flashy yellow eyes. Let’s get his entire plot out of the way right now.

When he exits the restaurant, Cas is greeted by an angel named Kelvin, who suggests they can help each other. They sit at a bar, where Kelvin reports that Heaven is more organized now that they have a common enemy. And he wants Cas to join them. Kelvin seductively offers “all the power of Heaven behind you,” forgiveness, and a welcome back into the fold if Cas will just help them track down Kelly Klein. Kelvin can’t actually give him all of this, but Joshua can. Joshua? The kindly gardener angel from “Dark Side of the Moon?” Sweet! He asks Cas to hear “The Gardener” out “for the greater good.” Oh, the greater good. Doing things you’re not comfortable with, working with people you’re not sure of, for the greater good. That sounds familiar! (I hope they don’t turn Joshua into a douche. I liked him.)

Back in Nebraska, the sherrif (who looks very familiar but I cannot place him) is explaining that Marcus was obviously killed by a bear or cougar, and not the invisible wolf the survivor says she saw. Which she believes is now coming after her. “Sounds like a hellhound to me,” Dean says.

We interrupt this recap to bring you Sam’s adorable nose.

Back at home, Gwen relives the not!bear attack and we see something watching her in HellhoundVision. The Winchesters pull up outside and, as they walk to her apartment, Sam explains that they need to tell her something to let her know she’s not being hunted by the not!bear. Dean disagrees, because he thinks it’s going to be a ridiculous speech.:

Hi, my name is Sam Winchester, this is my much handsomer brother Dean, and we hunt monsters. Oh, and that guy you were banging, we’re pretty sure he made a deal with a demon, so a hellhound came and dragged his soul to hell, but you, you’re cool, and since there’s nothing around for us to kill, peace out.

You done? We don’t say that, Dean, we say something that will give her peace, you know, help her sleep at night.

Oh, so we lie.

Yeah, a lot.

Best “monsters are real” speech ever.

So, they’re lighting the “Sam is a liar” sign pretty bright here. It’s not like Dean’s had much of a problem lying to victims before. It’s what they do. It’s an important part of the job. But what we’re supposed to get out of this, apparently, is that Sam is comfortable with lying to make life easier. And Dean is (maybe because of recent events) not. And also that agents Baker and Clapton are being watched in HellhoundVision as they stand at the door.

I don’t know who you are or what you want but yes please come in. Please. (Alternate caption: This looks like the beginning of that porno running through my head all the time. Yes, agents, I’m ready to be interrogated.)

Gwen reluctantly lets them in, with no one noticing the hellhound on their heels. They tell her their investigation determined her boyfriend was killed by a bear, which has been found and put down, so she’s no longer in danger. And okay, Sam’s lying, but he’s doing it for a good cause. She doesn’t need to know about hellhounds. All she needs to know is that she’s safe. I am completely okay with this particular lie.

Especially with this earnest face.

Gwen is not okay with it. She says she knows what she saw, and they need to get out. They leave, but the hellhound stays, and Gwen gets attacked but not injured because for some reason it claws up the floor and her rug but not her body, and then Dean bursts in and shoots it. The injured hellhound (which has now been hacked with an ax and shot) leaps out the window.

Cut to… oh, crap. It’s Crowley and Lucifer and as much as I enjoy these two normally, I am SO NOT INTERESTED in this plot. Crowley brags about how awesome he is and how he’s always ten steps ahead of Lucifer, Lucifer snarks back at him, blah blah blah. Lucifer’s going to peel off Crowley’s skin and eat his soul, even though we know he doesn’t have one. Then minions show up with paperwork and Crowley has to do actual work, because of course he’s turned Hell into a bureaucracy. God. Just shut up.

Back at Gwen’s house, the Winchesters explain that she was attacked by a hellhound, and that they only come after those who have sold their souls to a demon. And that they can be killed by a demon knife or angel blade( although I’m pretty sure the hellhound Sam killed during the trials was just killed with a regular old knife, wasn’t it? Or did he pick up the demon knife that Dean had dropped?) She denies making a demon deal ten years ago, and is sure that Marcus didn’t either (but how do you know that, Gwen, and why do the Winchesters believe you?). They don’t know why a hellhound would attack without a deal being due, but they do know who might know.

Cut to Crowley, in the middle of his boring and stupid meeting, getting a call from Not Moose. And I do have to emphasize that, even though we’re inundated with memories of the epic summer Squirrely bromance, even though Dean calls him Peaches, Dean is still simply Not Moose in Crowley’s phone. Crowley tries to hang up until he hears that there’s a rogue hellhound, and conveniently, the minions know that a hellhound named Ramsey has escaped. Crowley pops up at Gwen’s house and explains that she’s like the alpha hellhound, and is only loyal to Lucifer. Dean mentions that Lucifer is locked in a cage and we do not cut to Crowley looking guilty because apparently Crowley being a liar is not the theme of this week’s episode. Ramsey is holding a grudge against Gwen because of that whole ax thing, so “we” have to kill her. “We?” asks Sam. Crowley’s allegedly eager to help because (1) a loose hellhound makes him look bad, and (b) a hellhound’s head mounted on his wall would be good for his image. Even though he has hellhounds as pets. How are his minions going to know he didn’t just slaughter Juliet as he was feeding her a Greenie?

Dean comments on how weird things have gotten, and Crowley’s all “it can always get weirder,” and I know you’re all thinking kinky Squirrely thoughts, but Crowley is in fact thinking of Lucifer, back in Hell Adjacent, in some kind of bondage harness. Apparently someone’s already using the ball gag.

Crowley’s minions enter the room and are very excited to discover Lucifer. One is smug and the other is not worthy, but between the two of them they sprang the hellhound as a distraction and stole the key to Lucifer’s chains. And before they release him, Smug Demon has some demands. Not Worthy has none; he only cares about making hell great again. Heh. Lucifer agrees to these requests, and as soon as the chains are removed, smites them both. Who saw that coming?

Back to the Winchesters. The guys have changed out of Fed suits and Dean is digging in the trunk of the Impala. Obviously Sam’s had some time with it, because it’s a little bit organized.

But he still has to hold it open with a shotgun.

They’ve still got the holy fired glasses from the Trials. They split up, with Dean and Crowley hunting in the woods and Sam and Gwen are… I don’t know. Hanging out, I guess. Dean sternly tells Sam to “take care of her,” and Sam’s all, of course, why would you assume I’m not going to take care of the victim, until he realizes Dean’s talking about the car. “You tend to ride the brakes. Just imagine she’s a beautiful woman.

As Sam drives off (not riding the brakes), Crowley and Dean head into the forest, followed by the hellhound. They walk through darkness, with Dean wearing the holy fired glasses. So, this year we’ve had the return of the priests, more sweaters, prison jumpsuits, and now glasses. What other treats from the past are in store for us? Dare I hope for Hot Professor Sam? Sam’s tattoo?

Crowley does some cute imitations of Dean and rags on him for being predictable. Dean accuses Crowley of going soft but also thanks him for saving Cas. Dean suggests they’ve rubbed off on him, because "who would have thought you’d be helping us save the girl of the week?”

“A few years ago, who would have thought you’d be working with the King of Hell?” Crowley responds. “Maybe you’ve rubbed off on me, and maybe I’ve rubbed off all over you.” Oh, dude. Summer of Squirrely indeed. Then they find Marcus’s body outside what must be Ramsey’s den. (Did we know his body wasn’t at the campsite? I missed that.) And since she’s not there, where is she?

This is a nice X-Files style shot, isn’t it?

As bespactacled Sam drives Gwen through the dark, she apologizes, saying everything that happened, including Marcus’s death, is her fault. They pull over so she can spew (ew) and she confesses that she didn’t actually love Marcus, and she shouldn’t have taken him camping. “If I’d just told him. Why couldn’t I just tell him the truth? But I didn’t. I lied. I lied to make things easier.” And now Marcus is dead, Sam. What does that tell us about lying?

It’s not Hot Professor Sam, but it will do.

But Sam’s a little distracted because, in front of the car, he sees the glowing eyes of Ramsey the vengeful hellhound. She jumps on the car, denting the hood and breaking the windshield, and oooh, Sam, you’re gonna be in so much trouble. Sam gets out of the car to kill her and gets knocked down, glasses flying. Gwen jumps out and knocks Ramsey in the head with the green cooler (oooh there’s another old favorite!), and Sam’s able to kill her.

And huff afterward. Aw yiss.

Except… this aftermath scene still looks like HellhoundVision. Is there another one? Is this supposed to be Ramsey’s POV, even though we actually see her in the shot? What’s going on here?

Whose POV is this?

Afterward. Dean glares angrily at the car, Gwen hugs Crowley (but not Sam who actually killed the hellhound), and Sam, who is clearly having a moment, sincerely thanks Crowley. Crowley looks at him for a long time and disappears back to Hell, where Lucifer is loose. I’m annoyed as fuck at this, because it’s just prolonging the agony of this particular subplot. Lucifer flashes his wings (which are not damaged, unlike all the other angels) and finds he can’t leave, because it turns out Crowley was ten steps ahead of him. Lucifer is actually bound to this vessel, which is so warded and spelled that he can never escape. Well, okay then. That wasn’t as unpleasant as I thought it would be.

Back at the bunker, Dean has Cas on speakerphone. He tells them Kelly Klein is with Dagon, Prince of Hell. Sam asks “what do we know about him?” because… apparently Sam wasn’t there when Ramiel gave us all that evil expositionary monologue explaining that she was his sister and she was very interested in the nephilim? Come on, Sam. Keep up. Then we see Cas and Kelvin are at the stairway to Heaven, and they’re going upstairs.

Dean comments that he sounded weird, and then Sam’s phone buzzes, and he turns away from Dean to look at it and no, Sam, that’s not suspicious at all, you’re the best liar ever. Dean asks if it’s his computer and we get this.

Uh, no. Um. It’s, ah, Mick Davies.

What?

Dean. I don’t have a computer program feeding me cases. I, uh. Gwen, every job we’ve worked in the last two weeks, they’ve all come from the British Men of Letters.

Really.

Yeah. I didn’t tell you because I know how much you hate them.

No, WE hate them. Us. Together.

I get that, I do, but. Dean, because of Mick and his guys, the alpha vampire is dead. They get results. I don’t like them either, but if we can save people, then… Either way, I shouldn’t have lied to you, and I’m sorry, man.

Well, okay.

Okay?

What do you want me to say? Do I like it? No. Do I trust them? Hell no. But you’re right. We work with people we don’t trust all the time. Hell, I just Liam Neesom’d it up with Crowley. So if you want to give this a shot, then, fine But the minute, and I mean the second something feels off, we bail.

Yeah, of course. Deal.

Well, it looks like I owe @frozen-delight an apology. I was certain that Dean would blow his top when he found out Sam was working with the BMoL, and it would be clear that “you’re an adult and I respect your decisions” only applied to Mary. Instead, he gives us The Face (thank you baby Jesus) and then absorbs this new information, accepts Sam’s apology, comes to a very reasoned conclusion that working with them might be appropriate, and sets boundaries. It’s exactly the opposite of what I expected, and it’s the second-best solution to this issue (the best being just don’t lie to your brother, SAM.) It’s clear he’s not happy about it, but apparently his reunion with Crowley has made him re-think who he’s willing to work with.

Sam Winchester may be six and a half feet of well-trained killer, but he looks like a scared little boy sometimes, like when he’s worried his brother will be mad at him.

The phone rings again, Sam anxiously looks to Dean for confirmation that he should answer it, and as Dean gives permission but also looks unsatisfied, we cut to black.

Well. This one seemed uneven, like it was trying to be funny but not too funny. It had a lot of nice moments, it had the guys in overcoats and glasses, and it had The Face. But it also had a couple of boring subplots that I would like to disappear. I’m glad the Sam-lying-to-Dean thing wasn’t dragged out. I’m glad it was (apparently) solved amicably. What did you think?

Please help me stay unspoiled for future episodes, thanks!